Its so difficult when you don’t know what the future holds. You might say none of us ever do, and you are right. But I am talking about the more immediate future. When you don’t know what has gone wrong and you don’t know what you can do or even if everything will be okay (not better or the same as before, just okay, just there).
Its so difficult to figure out what steps you can take. You can see the problem, but the helplessness is so profound that its impossible to imagine a future where things might be okay.
When you see a loved one suffer and you wish you could take some of it yourself, when you see the obvious (and even the not-so-obvious) wrongs in the world but think that you are too insignificant to change anything, when every waking moment you try to tell yourself that everything is going to be okay but never believe it in your heart, when you wake up suddenly in a panic and see if the person next to you is still breathing, when you lose someone you love and have to rethink your entire life, and when a simple photo can bring up memories that you really don’t want to think about because you are invariably going to tear up…its so difficult.
And yet, you go on. You cry, you rant, you complain and scream, you bury all the sadness and unpleasantness in your heart, and you go on.
Ultimately, that’s what we have to do. We have to go on, we have to make new memories, we have to regain our confidence, we have to learn to let go…
Someday, sometime, someplace, maybe it’ll be better. And that maybe is our hope right now. So we cling to that hope and we go on. We have to.